TJ

Jun 242015
 

IMG_3072The Raptor (small) from Exotic-Erotics is a biggun’. It looks like a scorpion tail on steroids and it’s happy to see you. I had to give it a try. I mean look at it; it’s a crazy looking dildo, and I get to pick its unique coloring. Some things you have to see in person to really appreciate it, and the Raptor is one of those things. It truly is a bizarre design.

The description on Exotic-Erotics’ website talks about how a dino might want to take you from behind. However, I’m sitting here watching Buffy The Vampire Slayer, wondering if this isn’t some kind of demon dick. Hell, now I’m thinking about which demon it could belong to.

The Raptor is made from body safe platinum silicone and they can make it in an array of shades and hues. I happen to be obsessed with brightly colored dildos, so this is a perfect fit.

The Measurements:

Raptor measurements

I’m holding it in my hands right now (well, when I’m not typing) and thinking, how in the hell does this get considered small? When I first tried to use it, I wondered the same thing. I didn’t try to use it in a traditional sense of word. I wasn’t using it to see if it would make me cum; instead I was trying to see how much would actually fit inside me. I can tell you right now, not much.

IMG_3047Aside from the fact that this is an extremely wide toy, a lot of the length is wasted on the pronged tips. It made it pretty disappointing, not being able to utilize the bulge. At the same time, the bulge is oblong, so it’s not too wide from one angle, and huge from another. This makes it damn near impossible to use it vaginally (for me). That’s one thing that’s frustrating about reviewing, it sometimes feels like whining. “If only it was like this”, “if only it was like that”. I understand that sometimes the design isn’t intended for my uses. I’m sure this dildo would work well for someone who is extremely familiar with mondo anal play. However, the thought of trying to fit the Raptor up my ass, makes my asshole tighten.

The Raptor arrived in the customary pull-string bag (it’s a free option when you order). The box is plain with no indicators of what it contains, they even ship it under the name EE. The bag is comes it is a light cotton and the color is a toss up. I like it because each bag is made to fit each toy. I have different sized dildos from EE and each bag fits that particular dildo. This makes for very convenient storage.

IMG_3045While I am in love with the colors, I’m not in love with the Raptor. I think that EE needs two versions of their dildos. The ones that are intended primarily for anal and ones that are useful when used vaginally. Many of their designs are appealing but the length is too much. I mean that the bulge is inches away from being useful. Most times I order larger toys because I want the girth, but the length of the dildo leaves me with nothing. Granted the Raptor’s bulge is too wide for me (the oval shape really doesn’t work), but if it wasn’t quite as large and if it wasn’t so far away, I think it would have been nice (sans “pincers” of course). I think that’s where the biggest flaw in the Raptor lies. The dual tips takes away usable length. There’s only so much room to fit, and that’s a waste of space.

I ordered my Raptor in a medium firmness for the shaft and hard firmness for the base. I’ve ordered all of my dildos from EE with this option. I’ve found it to be consistent and works well with their varying designs. The silicone isn’t the smoothest I’ve encountered, but I have found that it does hold lube in place fairly well.

Overall, I don’t like the Raptor’s design. I don’t care for the pincer that take up precious space within me, and I don’t care for the length. Exotic Erotics seems to cater to the advanced anal players out there, but not so much to the vaginally inclined. I think that they have serious potential to cater to the size queens out there, if they thought smaller (in length and in the oval of the bulge) and where to systematically place varying width. Hopefully soon this will happen. Until then, I have one of the craziest dildos I have ever seen, in the brightest color scheme I’ve ever ordered. So for that, I am grateful.

Update: Exotic-Erotics just let me know that from now on, most of their new designs will have mini-versions. Also, there are some short and stock dildos in the works.

Thank you, Exotic-Erotics, for sending the Raptor in exchange for my fair and honest review.

If you feel up to the Raptor challenge, by all means click on the link below.

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Dec 132014
 

Amsterdam wet modMondo Cock. That’s the Amsterdam for you. Think big and then double it. It’s a pillar of black silicone waiting for a hole that’s up to the challenge. I couldn’t pass up the chance to give this behemoth a try. I consider myself a bit of a size queen, so naturally I had to give it a go. It took some time, it took some patience, and it took a hell of a lot of warming up. The design of the Amsterdam is unrelenting. The head of the Amsterdam is not to be taken lightly. To the touch, the silicone is soft and mildly squishy. In use, the Amsterdam has little to no give to it.

I love the look of the Amsterdam. It’s a great giant pillar of Tantus silicone. It’s fun to grab, swing around, or just marvel at. Tantus makes sex toys out of 100% body safe, ultra premium silicone. When it comes to cleaning or sterilizing my sex toys, I’m partial to boiling. I have a huge pot in which I boil all of my toys, and even then the Amsterdam has to be boiled in positional shifts.

I always boil my toys before I use them; it gives me a chance to eye ball the newcomer and it gives me a thrill. While I was boiling the Amsterdam, however, I was thinking of a game plan. The Amsterdam is 2.6″ in diameter (that’s 6.6 cm), and 10 1/2″ in length (or 26.67 cm). After using the Amsterdam several times I have to say this: Put aside half an hour. This isn’t a toy that you just run up to, jump in the air and land on. If I were to try this, I would look like the cartoon that runs into a brick wall and shatters into a million pieces. I usually don’t need a ton of warm up, but the Amsterdam required me to bring out my big guns.

I’m proud to say that my vagina survived the Amsterdam. The blunt head with the extreme girth, nearly split me in two the first time around. I warmed up with the Pedro, and it still took two attempts to fit the Amsterdam. I was covered with Maximus lube from my mid thigh, to my lower belly (not on purpose). The first time with Amsterdam was not a cake walk. The “X’s” felt like they were cutting my urethra as they passed, and I had to call it a day. I was surprised that I was able to fist myself after taking out the Amsterdam, though. Honestly, after the Amsterdam, there was very little resistance to my large hand. Being able to fist myself that easily was definitely a first.

The second time I tried, it was relatively close in time (maybe a day or two), and I was able to take the Amsterdam much quicker. This time it didn’t feel like the “X’s” were cutting me, and it was pleasurable. I made it down to the middle of the third X this time, and was able thrust slowly. For me, the Amsterdam’s primary appeal was the full feeling it gave me. I can’t say that it brought me to a thundering orgasm, but it did provide me with a new sensation; my absolute limit.

When looking at the Amsterdam, get out your ruler. Get out something that is close to the same diameter. I had seen pictures, I had gotten out a ruler, but still, seeing the Amsterdam in all of its silicone glory was humbling.

I don’t know when I’ll be using the Amsterdam again. I’ll probably save it for special occasions or for when I feel like testing my limits again. In the mean time, I hold it has a vagina trophy. Even though, I wasn’t able to orgasm with it, I feel like I have jumped the Grand Canyon and lived.

Thank you Tantus, for sending me the Amsterdam in exchange for my fair and honest review!

If you feel up to the Amsterdam challenge, click the affiliate link below.

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If you really love the design but this size is too much, give the Amsterdam small a try!

It’s 6″ (15.24cm) in length and 1.5″ (3.81) in diameter.

 

 Posted by at 5:04 pm
Oct 152014
 

I’m working on a project for my Communications 12 class, and it’s supposed to be a mixed genre piece. I chose sex as my subject. I want to convey that sex is amazing, but for people to be safe. I’m working on how to make this interesting, informative, while still entertaining. I thought, “Oh, I’ll just write a poem about how awesome sex toys are.” Like that will be an ice breaker or something. WRONG! Apparently I write really shitty poetry. Granted, that this is forced poetry that I banged out in 10 minutes. It’s really fucking awful. So, here it is…proof of why I should NEVER write poetry.

Ode to Sex Toys

Tired hands and fingers,
battery operated silicone relief.
Porn blasting in the foreground,
an adjustment of a cock sheath.
Power of a kick start motor,
with silent vibrations;
followed by overwhelming clitoral sensations.

Laughter fills the air,
as lube flies everywhere.
Pump bottles are underrated.
This dildo fits perfect in my harness underwear.

Writing poems is hard.
I wish I had thought this through.
My love for sex toys is nothing new.
Also, I wish more dildos came in blue.

Yep, just as bad as I thought. I need to work on this a bit. I really hope I can find some pieces online. I have to combine different literature to emphasize my point. I worry, now, but I’m sure I’ll figure it out down the line. I hope you enjoyed my terrible poetry. When I re-read it, I laughed so hard that I spit all over my screen. Hell, I’m laughing right now, it’s so awful. I hope you are having a good day, if not, I hope this made  you laugh at least.

Cheers to bad poetry.

 Posted by at 2:46 pm
Oct 092014
 

Lately, I’ve been plagued by guilt. I’ve been feeling guilty for not reviewing. I am still active on Twitter, Instagram, and talk to my sex blogger friends on the outs, but I haven’t reviewed in a long time. Here’s why:

When I was registering for classes this semester, I was full of high expectations for myself. I made the mistake of registering right after looking at my GPA from last semester; I got a 4.0 with 16 units. I thought, “Hell, I can do more than that.” Apparently, I thought I was Super Woman who can juggle school, parenting, marriage, and a household. I found out that I am not Super Woman. I found out that I am a frazzled 28 year-old mother and wife who pisses coffee and dreams of dildos.

I do not have time for anything that really makes me happy. Here and there I have time to masturbate in the shower, or time in between classes. When I do have a minute (or hour) alone, my brain goes, “NO RESPONSIBILITIES, NO REASON TO BE ON.” Then I just watch Firefly or Sherlock on Netflix.

I’m still working towards my being a sex therapist and sex educator in the future. My schooling is not for a generic job; it’s for my dream job. I am losing my mind this semester, but I know that this is only temporary. I’m half way through this semester and I’ve got B’s and one C in 5 classes (all in person, nothing online). I’ll definitely be doing things different in the future, and only take 4 classes per semester. I have too much going on at home, and I NEED TIME TO FUCK MYSELF WITH SEX TOYS OF VARIOUS DESIGNS. *cough* I mean, I need time for me.

I really wish I had written this sooner, rather than just disappearing for the past couple of months. It was not my intent to just fall off of the map. I am still active on Twitter, it’s where you’ll see me most. I miss my sex-positive, body-positive friends so much, as I feel alone most of the time when I’m not on Twitter. Not that I’m alone, I do have many friends, but they don’t understand why I might love a sex toy but loathe the fact that it looks like shitty pudding. Or why I feel the need to own so many different kinds of lubricant, or why a person feels the need to own so many dildos. I don’t have a huge shoe collection, or a favorite make-up brand, I can’t really tell you who sings that song that I dance to everyday on the radio. I can tell you who makes the best dildos and vibrators. I just wish I had the time to write about it on here.

So, I have not disappeared. I have not given up blogging. I have not stopped testing toys. I am here. Life has been going a lot faster than I’m used to, but hopefully soon, I’ll catch up.

Love you, guys.

If you ever wanna talk to me, ask questions, or just shoot the shit, I’m quick to respond to emails or on Twitter; so, hit me up sometime.

desk mod

 Posted by at 12:32 pm
Aug 192014
 

Raptor 1 resize

THE COLORS! I was exhausted from this weekend, and seeing these colors put a huge smile on my face. When I pulled this from the mail, I only had half hour to get to class, but I had to see what the Raptor looked like in person. I snapped some pics so I could take a closer look in between classes. I just boiled it, and I can’t stop looking at it. It’ll be interesting to see how this design works out for me. I’ve never used a toy quite like this. In the meantime, the colors have won me over.

Raptor 4 resize

Thank you Exotic-Erotics for sending me the Raptor in exchange for my fair and honest review soon to come!

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Aug 062014
 

No 10 vibrationsIt’s beautiful, and that’s all it has to offer. I love the color scheme of the Ceramix No. 10 from Pipedreams. I think it’s wonderful that they are trying to bring ceramic sex toys to the masses, but they need to bring stronger vibrations to the mix. Ceramic toys sealed with a body-safe glaze, are safe to use. You need to be careful not to chip it, as ceramic (unsealed) is extremely porous and absorbent, not to mention possibly sharp. However, it’s going to be extremely difficult to chip a Pipedreams Ceramix, as they use a high fire glaze with yttrium within in the ceramic; the same as jewelers use.

This is not a small vibrator; in fact it’s quite large for a traditional design. It’s heavy, and doesn’t transmit the vibrations you hear at all. It’s loud, and the sound is very misleading. It sounds like strong vibrator but feels like that same vibrator wrapped in a down comforter. The vibrations are lacking in power and boring. The picture you see above, was extremely hard to take. When placing the vibe in the water, it only rippled the surface for the first three seconds. After those three seconds, the water looks extremely still.

No 10 vibrations 2

The button is made of silicone, as is the area where the removable end meets the ceramic. From there up, the end is plastic. There are 6 different settings. The first three are different strengths and the other three are different vibration patterns. The first three patterns are underwhelming; the one I tried the most was the third and strongest. I tried letting the vibrations carry me something resembling an orgasm; that didn’t work. So, I tried reaching into the “Sure Thing” folder of my Spank Bank, and still nothing. My wrist was sore from trying to add pressure, I tried holding it lightly on my clit; this vibe did nothing. I admit the past year of reviewing has given me an acquired taste for strong vibrations, but I have still used weak vibes out of pure necessity (i.e. all powerful vibes are dead) and have had success. I didn’t with the No. 10; not even close. Also, the the only way to turn the No. 10 off, is by cycling through all of the settings. You are not able to turn it off by holding down the button, as you are able to do with a number of other vibrators. So, if you are in a hurry to turn off your No. 10, you have to hurriedly cycle through to the off setting.

The No. 10 is powered by 4 AAA batteries; another thing I’m not a fan of. Not simply because disposable battery powered vibes tend to be less powerful and are wasteful, but because twisting the end off and on can have differing results. Sound confusing? What I mean is that when you twist the end back on, with the batteries in it, it can be a challenge to find the sweet spot for it to turn on. If you don’t hit this “sweet spot”, the vibe won’t turn on at all. This leaves me feeling like it isn’t tight enough, when I have to twist backward from the tightest it will go. Every time I put batteries in it, I have to go through this (I don’t leave batteries in the toy because I don’t want them to corrode).

Ceramix No 10

The color scheme is beautiful. The light blue with black stripes is something to be admired, but what good does a pretty vibe do me if it doesn’t get me off? I think if  Pipedreams had used a stronger motor this would be a great vibe. The ceramic is a great alternative.  It does retain my body heat and will hold it for little while. Don’t be mistaken, it’s not like stainless steel toys. Those pick up heat quick and hold it for a long time. This holds lukewarm and cool temperatures for a shorter amount of time. Before I forget, I want to be clear about the coloring. This isn’t a uniform color scheme. Each stripe is different. I don’t know if they are hand painted or if they just stick in a machine and a brush makes its rounds. I like it because it reminds me of ceramic pieces I made years ago. Again, though, this is not a reason to buy a toy, function is.

I’m not impressed with the Ceramix No. 10 at all. I like the colors and I appreciate their attempt to make a ceramic vibrator, but colors and a “new” material design doesn’t get me off. It is waterproof, but it does take disposable (or rechargeable if you have them) batteries. The No. 10 lacks the power needed to warrant a tradition design. If a traditional design has a powerful vibration, I’d be all over it. This one does not, but I guess I can say that I have a nice ceramic piece. As sitting on a shelf, is all it’s going to be doing.

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Jun 262014
 

The Hammer PotD

As soon as I saw SheVibe’s Instagram video of The Hammer, I wanted it. I was stoked to find out that it was open to review. It has not left my side since I opened the package yesterday afternoon. I’m not kidding, I had it on my nightstand when I woke up this morning. I’m heading out of town today, and taking a hammer dildo isn’t in the cards, so I wanted to make sure I got to try this thing out before I left. I have been swinging it around since yesterday. When I knew that it was on its way, I psyched myself up by watching the movie, Thor. I honestly wish The Hammer flew to me the way it flew to Thor when he got his powers back. That would be epic (and highly improbable, unless someone threw it at me as hard as they could).

I’m looking forward to giving The Hammer a thorough workout, and am happy to add it to my collection. It looks amazing. I’m still in awe at how realistic the handle looks. They even made marks to look like real stitching. I realize that this translates as difficult to clean, but I don’t care. I have a toothbrush specifically for that reason.

The Hammer AaaAAaa PotD

 Thank you SheVibe for sending me The Hammer in exchange for my fair and honest review soon to come!

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Jun 192014
 

Seduction
My first wooden toy! I’ve been wanting to try wood for a long time now, and the time has finally come! When I saw the mail person at the mailbox, I tried to play it cool. I took the trash cans up, trying to keep my excitement contained (I seriously was afraid I’d tackle the poor guy in my need to see the Seduction in person).

When I got inside with my package from Burlesque Toys, I was surprised; I hadn’t heard much about NobEssence’s packaging before. It’s a nice, demure, sturdy box, that opens up from the top; I’ll be showing it in my review. Right after I held it in my hands for a moment (and did a dance), I ran outside to take a picture, and of course I had to see what it looked like wet. That’s what you see here; those aren’t imperfections in the wood or lacquer.

I can’t wait to try the Seduction. I’ll have to hurry and get some toy time in before family shows up. It never fails, whenever I get a toy that I’m eager to stick inside me, a big family get together is about to happen. Where there’s a will, there’s a way!

Thank you Burlesque Toys for sending me the Seduction in exchange for my fair and honest review soon to come!

Jun 172014
 

Amsterdam upward

It’s here! I am excited and giddy about the Amsterdam from Tantus. LOOK AT IT. It’s a colossus cock. I’m still in awe of how huge it is, in my hands. I was surprised that it made my huge boiling pot look like a pathetic little sauce pan. I’m looking forward to taking on the Amsterdam; I can’t wait to see how the “X’s” play out. Wish me luck!

Thank you Tantus, for sending me the Amsterdam in exchange for my fair and honest review, soon to come!

Amsterdam potd

Jun 142014
 

I have two versions of the Revel Body; the first and second version. The first version I received was quickly deemed obsolete and a second version came out soon after. The first version was extremely weak, and the instruction manual was ridiculous. It had 8 pages of warnings; such as “Don’t use on loose skin.” That one made me crack up to be honest. This warning is gone from the second versions instruction manual, thank goodness.

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When I opened the package with the Revel Body, and saw that they included all of the attachments, I was eager to see how it would play out. All of the attachments are extremely different in shape. All of them are covered in pink, buttery smooth silicone, and all of them have extremely strong magnets in the bases. I was quick to take a Package of the Day picture, and get the Revel  Body on the charger. I wanted to see how this baseball vibrator worked.

revel vibrations

After I charged the Revel Body, I went through the cycles. They range from a thumping piston-like movement to standing still while humming. The Revel Body’s technology moves the magnet attachments up and down within the orb, this is caused by the linear motor (i.e. magnet motor). The range starts slow,  moving the attachment up and down the most. As you ascend the levels, the attachment moves faster, with less range. When you reach the highest level, movement is non-existent and it sounds like a hearing test. The levels of intensity are as follows: 1) Oh, look! It’s moving! 2) Still moving, and sounds like a boat motor. 3) It’s moving less but it’s faster. 4) Okay, that faster, but where did the motion go? 5) Is this going down in intensity? 6)Am I pressing the wrong button? 7) Is this thing even on? I hear it, but I’m not feeling it. Weird. 8-10) All I hear is the pitch of the motor going up, and the attachment isn’t even moving anymore. What the hell?

First off, I don’t like it, care for it, have interest in using it again after this review, and you won’t hear me suggesting it. I’ve had the Revel Body for quite awhile now, and during that time I’ve found that the Revel Body just doesn’t work for my body. Every time I’ve used it, I have used all of the attachments, with all of the speeds, with lube, without lube (there are no patterns). Every time, I am left with nothing. I’ve tried using it lightly on my clit (as suggested), I’ve used pressure. Nothing. Don’t get me wrong, the vibrations definitely vary between thumping to non-existent, but that’s about it. The website says to hold the Revel Body lightly against the skin. Um, why would I want a toy that can’t hold up its movement under the pressure of its own weight? I used no pressure, just the weight of the Revel Body, and that took a lot of the sensation away. Holding it away from my clit, left me feeling nothing as well. Like I said, I’ve used all of the attachments, and still nothing. I did, however, figure out that the attachments will make great magnets on my fridge.

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SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURESThe first attachment comes standard with the Revel Body, it’s called the “Rose”. Its shape reminds me of a powder puff, only super small. Its silicone is buttery soft, but has very little give to it. When in use, this attachment does nothing for me. It’s too broad, and to be honest, in the beginning I was worried about bits of flesh being caught with in the Revel Body (remember the warning from the first version?). Once I got over this fear, I was left waiting. Come on, sensations! Any time now! The only response I got was a motor boat sound coming from my vulva.

ConaThe second attachment available is the “Cona”. The Cona’s silicone is the same buttery soft silicone that covers all of the attachments, only it’s softer. Not in texture but in design. The Cona is shaped like a cylinder, and is quite pliable. However, in use this does softly pinpoint the sensations. As I’ve stated before the sensations are lacking, so it doesn’t do much to help. All it does is pin point the thump or hum, depending on which setting you have it on. This attachment isn’t very easy to clean, but it isn’t impossible. I found a fingernail works alright, as well as a strong stream of water. Also, it takes a long time to dry, as the water sits within it.

SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURESThe third attachment is the “Ever”. It’s a strange shape; it looks like a smooth water’s surface when a single drop of water falls upon it. It looks like a nice attachment, but it again does nothing. You can feel a difference from the Rose attachment, but does not translate into an orgasm.

FawnThe fourth attachment is the “Fawn”. It looks like a rubber, dog hair removing, lint brush to me. That’s how it feels too. The silicone isn’t soft enough and feels as though I”m getting jabbed. On the highest settings it’s still uncomfortable. Also, this attachment is extremely hard to clean. Every time I think that I’ve cleaned it thoroughly, I always end up seeing that tell tale white within the bristles.

NikoThe last attachment is the “Niko”. Honestly, I don’t know how I would describe how it looks, I think the picture is the only way. The Niko is a toss up when it comes to stimulation. It either feels like someone trying ram your clit with their tongue, or it’s like you’re poking your clit with your finger tip (on the highest settings). If that’s your thing, that’s great. It isn’t mine.

I’ve tried all of these attachments with lube, without lube, out of water, in the water. The Revel Body doesn’t work for me. With most toys, I’m able to weasel an orgasm out of it. Not with the Revel Body. I spent most of my time searching for anything resembling an arousing feeling. The whole toy, with all of the attachments, left me frustrated and bored.

do like the quality of everything that True Sonic Tech sent me. The packaging is exquisite (the way that the attachments look like display items), the boxes are strong, sturdy and nicely done. The quality of the toy and attachments are nicely done. Even though I think they are a waste of time and money, the quality is top-notch.

Revel travel collage

The Travel Bag and charger is in a class all of its own. I have yet to see another company put as much time and effort into storage for a sex toy. The bag is made with strong material (think backpack) and with a strong zipper. The bag is the perfect size for the toy, with a breathing hole at the bottom (I’m not kidding). Also, there is a drawstring portion within the top half of the bag. Here is where you would store the travel charging cord and USB wall charger cube. The travel charging cord is made from study wire with strong fabric around it. I honestly think that this is the best charging cord I’ve seen yet. The USB cube is a standard wall charger that is included with the toy. So, I have three of them now (I love them; so handy).  I seriously wish that other toy companies would take a page out of True Sonic Tech’s book in regards to the quality of the storage and travel cord.

So, overall, I would say, save your money and buy something else. I would recommend the Mona 2 or a We-Vibe Touch. The Revel Body isn’t a toy I would take a risk on, since it is $130 and that’s just the toy with the Rose attachment. Every other attachment is $19. The Travel Bag is just under $30. As I said in the video, you’ll find that if you buy everything Revel, you will find that you have bought the most expensive USB wall charger you’ll ever get.

Thank you SheVibe and True Sonic Technology for sending me the Revel Body with all of the attachments and Travel Bag, in exchange for my fair and honest review.

If you’d like to buy the Revel Body, click the link below to use my affiliate code.

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